I remember a season when I was running on fumes. My calendar was a mess of scribbled commitments, my body felt heavy and tired, and my soul was just flat. I kept hearing the same advice from well-meaning friends and every corner of the internet: “You need more self-care, Chantel.” So I tried it. I booked a massage, bought the expensive face cream, and said yes to a lazy Saturday of binge-watching my favorite show while the laundry piled up. But here’s the thing—I didn’t feel better. I felt more behind, more foggy, and honestly, a little guilty. That’s when I started asking a hard question: Was I actually caring for myself, or was I just indulging myself to avoid the real work of healing?
If you’ve ever felt that twinge of confusion, you’re not alone. The line between self-care and self-indulgence can get blurry fast, especially when we’re tired, stressed, or just plain worn out. I want to walk through this with you honestly, because I believe God cares deeply about how we steward our bodies, minds, and spirits. And I also believe the enemy loves to twist good things into traps that keep us stuck. So let’s get real about what self-care actually is, what it isn’t, and how to tell the difference in your own life.
What Self-Care Really Means
Self-care, at its core, is the intentional practice of meeting your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs so you can function as the whole person God designed you to be. It’s not selfish. It’s stewardship. When I think about the way Jesus lived, He modeled this beautifully. He withdrew to quiet places to pray. He ate meals with friends. He slept in a boat during a storm. He wasn’t running from responsibility; He was refueling for it.
True self-care often requires discipline. It’s the choice to go to bed early instead of scrolling social media. It’s preparing a nourishing meal when takeout feels easier. It’s saying no to a good opportunity because you know your limits. These actions don’t always feel good in the moment, but they build a life that can sustain joy, service, and purpose over the long haul.
I’ve learned that self-care asks a deeper question: What do I need to be healthy and whole? Not what do I want right now, but what will actually restore me? Sometimes the answer is rest. Sometimes it’s a hard conversation. Sometimes it’s moving my body when I’d rather stay on the couch. The key is that self-care is proactive and life-giving, not reactive and numbing.
When Self-Care Becomes Self-Indulgence
Self-indulgence, on the other hand, is the pursuit of pleasure or comfort without regard for long-term well-being. It’s the “treat yourself” mentality that ignores consequences. And let me be clear: there’s nothing wrong with pleasure or comfort in themselves. God gave us good things to enjoy! But when we use those things to escape, avoid, or numb, we’ve crossed a line.
I’ve been there. I’ve told myself I “deserved” that third glass of wine after a hard day, when what I really needed was to process my emotions with a trusted friend or journal. I’ve called a shopping spree “retail therapy” when my budget was already stretched thin. I’ve hidden behind a “self-care day” that was really just an excuse to check out from my family. The giveaway? I always felt worse afterward—more empty, more anxious, more disconnected.
Self-indulgence often whispers, “You’ve earned this,” but it never asks, “Is this good for you?” It’s short-sighted. It prioritizes immediate gratification over lasting health. And it can become a cycle that’s hard to break, because the temporary relief feels so real. But relief is not the same as restoration.
How to Tell the Difference in Your Own Life
So how do we know which is which? I’ve developed a few heart-check questions that help me pause before I act. I encourage you to use these, too—maybe even write them somewhere you’ll see them regularly.
1. What’s the motive behind this choice?
Am I doing this to heal, grow, or genuinely rest? Or am I doing it to avoid something hard? Self-care faces reality; self-indulgence runs from it. If I’m reaching for a distraction because I don’t want to feel sad, lonely, or overwhelmed, that’s a red flag. True self-care might mean sitting with those feelings and inviting God into them.
2. How will I feel afterward?
Self-care leaves you feeling replenished, clear-headed, and more like yourself. Self-indulgence often leaves a hangover—whether that’s physical (too much sugar, too little sleep), emotional (guilt, shame), or practical (a drained bank account). Think past the next hour. Will this choice serve tomorrow’s version of you?
3. Does this align with my values and responsibilities?
If my “self-care” consistently pulls me away from the people I love or the commitments I’ve made, it’s probably not care. It’s escape. Healthy self-care fits within the life I’m actually living. It might mean a 20-minute walk instead of a full spa day, but it doesn’t abandon my roles as wife, mom, friend, or follower of Christ.
4. Is this sustainable?
Self-care builds rhythms. Self-indulgence creates chaos. A weekly Sabbath practice is sustainable. A daily $8 latte when you’re in debt is not. A monthly coffee date with a friend who speaks life into you is sustainable. Binge-watching until 2 a.m. every night is not. Look for patterns, not just isolated moments.
Practical Self-Care That Actually Works
If you’re ready to move away from the indulgence trap and into real, restorative self-care, start small. Here are some practices I’ve woven into my own life that have made a lasting difference.
Physical Self-Care: Honor Your Body as a Temple
This isn’t about punishing workouts or strict diets. It’s about listening to what your body needs. For me, that means drinking water before coffee, stretching for ten minutes in the morning, and going to bed at a consistent time. When I’m tired, I rest. When I’m restless, I move. I’ve stopped using food as a reward or a comfort, and instead I ask, “What will fuel me well today?”
Emotional Self-Care: Feel Your Feelings Without Fear
I used to be terrified of my own emotions. I’d stuff them down until they exploded. Now I practice naming what I feel and bringing it to God. Sometimes I write angry letters I’ll never send. Sometimes I cry in the car. I’ve learned that emotions are not my enemy; they’re indicators. Caring for my emotional health means creating space to process without judgment.
Spiritual Self-Care: Connect with the Source
This is the non-negotiable for me. Without time in Scripture and prayer, I unravel. But I’ve also stopped treating my quiet time like a checklist. Some days it’s worship music while I fold laundry. Some days it’s sitting in silence and just breathing His name. Spiritual self-care isn’t about performance; it’s about connection. It’s remembering that I am loved apart from anything I do.
Relational Self-Care: Invest in Life-Giving Connections
I’m an introvert who loves people, which means I need to be intentional about my social energy. I’ve learned to say yes to the friendships that fill me up and no to the ones that drain me dry. I also protect time with my husband and kids—not as another task, but as a gift. Relational self-care means showing up fully present, not just physically there.
Why This Distinction Matters for Your Faith
I think one reason we get tangled up in self-indulgence is that we’ve bought a lie: that our worth is measured by our productivity, and therefore any rest must be “earned” through exhaustion. But that’s not the gospel. The gospel says we are already loved, already enough, because of what Christ has done. We don’t have to earn rest; we’re invited into it. And we don’t have to fear missing out; we’re called to trust God with our limits.
When I confuse self-care with self-indulgence, I’m often trying to fill a hole that only God can fill. I’m looking for comfort, identity, or escape in things that were never meant to carry that weight. Real self-care humbly acknowledges my need for a Savior and my dependence on His grace. It’s not about pampering myself; it’s about positioning myself to receive what He’s already offering.
I’ve also noticed that self-indulgence tends to isolate me, while true self-care often draws me into healthier community. When I’m numbing out, I hide. When I’m caring for myself well, I can show up for others with a full heart. That’s the kind of life I want—one that overflows, not one that’s constantly scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Giving Yourself Permission to Rest Without Guilt
One of the biggest barriers to real self-care is guilt. We feel like we should always be doing something productive. But rest is not laziness. God Himself rested on the seventh day, not because He was tired, but because He was setting a rhythm for us. Rest is an act of trust. It’s saying, “The world will keep spinning without me for an hour, a day, a weekend.”
If you struggle with guilt around rest, start by reframing it as obedience. When you lie down for a nap, you’re not being lazy; you’re honoring the limits God gave you. When you take a walk instead of answering emails, you’re stewarding your mental health. Give yourself permission to stop, and ask God to quiet the inner critic that says you must always be doing more.
When Self-Indulgence Masquerades as Self-Care
Let’s get specific about some common traps I see (and have fallen into myself). Recognizing these can help you make better choices in the moment.
The “I Deserve It” Trap: You’ve had a rough week, so you splurge on something you can’t afford. The momentary high fades, and the credit card bill brings stress. Instead, ask: What would actually relieve my stress? Maybe it’s a phone call with a friend, a walk outside, or simply going to bed early.
The “Just This Once” Trap: You tell yourself it’s a one-time thing, but “just this once” becomes every night. Whether it’s junk food, skipping your workout, or staying up late, the pattern matters more than the exception. Self-care builds consistency; self-indulgence relies on exceptions.
The “I’m Too Busy to Cook” Trap: You grab fast food because you’re exhausted, but the lack of nutrition leaves you more tired the next day. A simple meal prep routine or a freezer stocked with healthy options can be a form of self-care that serves your future self.
The “I Need a Break” Trap: You scroll social media for an hour to “unwind,” but you end up feeling more drained and comparing your life to everyone else’s highlight reel. True self-care might be a screen-free hour with a book, a puzzle, or just silence.
Building a Self-Care Plan That Honors God and Serves You
I’m a planner by nature, so I’ve found it helpful to create a simple self-care plan that I can fall back on when life gets chaotic. Here’s a framework you can adapt for yourself.
Daily Rhythms: What are the small, non-negotiable habits that keep you grounded? For me, it’s morning prayer, drinking enough water, and moving my body. These don’t have to be elaborate. They just have to be consistent.
Weekly Rhythms: What restores you on a weekly basis? A Sabbath practice, a date night, a long walk alone, or time with a small group. These are the anchors that keep your week from drifting into chaos.
Monthly Rhythms: What needs a little more time or intention? A coffee date with a mentor, a half-day retreat, a hobby that fills your creative tank. These are the things that get pushed aside when life gets busy, but they’re often the most life-giving.
Seasonal Rhythms: What do you need in this particular season? Self-care looks different when you have a newborn, when you’re grieving, when you’re in a busy work season, or when you’re in a season of rest. Give yourself grace to adapt.
FAQ: Navigating Self-Care and Self-Indulgence
Is it selfish to prioritize self-care?
Not at all. Prioritizing self-care is about stewarding the body, mind, and spirit God gave you so you can love others well. Think of it like the oxygen mask on an airplane: you have to secure your own before you can help someone else. Self-care becomes selfish only when it consistently puts your wants above the genuine needs of others or when it’s used as an excuse to avoid responsibility.
How do I know if I’m using self-care to avoid real problems?
Ask yourself if your self-care practices are helping you face life or escape it. If you’re using activities to numb pain, avoid difficult conversations, or procrastinate on important tasks, that’s a sign of avoidance. Healthy self-care often includes doing hard things—like setting boundaries, seeking counseling, or having honest conversations—because those actions lead to long-term healing and growth.
Can something be both self-care and self-indulgence?
Yes, depending on the context and your heart posture. For example, a massage can be a restorative practice if you’re caring for your body and releasing tension. But if you’re getting massages weekly to avoid dealing with stress at home while ignoring your budget, it becomes self-indulgence. The key is to check your motives and the fruit it produces in your life. Does it leave you more whole and connected, or more depleted and avoidant?
What if I don’t have time for self-care?
I hear this often, and I’ve said it myself. But self-care doesn’t have to be time-consuming. It can be five minutes of deep breathing, a short walk, or a prayer whispered in the car. The issue is usually not time but priority. If you’re constantly running on empty, you’ll eventually break down. Start with micro-moments of care and build from there. Even Jesus, with crowds pressing in, made time to withdraw and pray.
Extending Grace to Yourself in the Process
Here’s what I want you to hear most: this is not about perfection. You will have days when you choose the brownie over the apple, the Netflix binge over the early bedtime, the avoidance over the hard conversation. That’s okay. God’s grace covers those moments, too. The goal is not to never indulge; it’s to live with intention and to keep coming back to what truly restores you.
I’m still learning this. Just last week, I caught myself numbing out on my phone when I should have been processing a hard emotion. But instead of beating myself up, I paused, put the phone down, and asked God to meet me in that moment. That’s the difference. Self-care is a journey, not a destination. It’s a series of small choices that add up to a life that feels whole, even when it’s messy.
So, friend, let’s stop using self-care as an excuse to indulge every whim, and let’s start using it as a tool to become the women God created us to be—healthy, whole, and ready to pour out from a place of abundance, not emptiness. You’re worth that. And He’s with you every step of the way.
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